An introduction to the unorthodox world of TDGDT, the cowboy dog trainer stirring the pot
Welcome to the world of The Dead Good Dog Trainer (TDGDT), a figure who has boldly galloped from the open plains into the fenced-in territories of dog training.
Legendary Methods and Questionable Advice
TDGDT’s approach to training is as unorthodox as it is controversial. Among the array of superb techniques, TDGDT advocates the idea that instead of teaching old dogs new tricks, one might as well replace them with newer models!
This pragmatic, if not heartless, strategy underscores a broader philosophy – out with the old, in with the new, and let’s not dwell on attachments. What’s the point?
Howdy, TDGDT! Can you tell us about the moment you decided to swap your lasso for a lead and become the cowboy dog trainer the world didn’t know it needed?
It was New Year’s Eve, or New Year’s Eve Eve, I forget. I was sat pondering the latest craze, of using science to train dogs, when I thought, ‘yes, it’s science, but boiling an egg is also science and that’s dead easy’. I knew from that moment on, if I could successfully boil an egg, I could quite easily understand all aspects of animal behaviour, with all its nuances and thousands of contributory factors.
It felt selfish to keep this spontaneous in-depth knowledge to myself – I knew I had to share it with the world.
We’ve heard stories far and wide about your legendary training methods. Could you share one of your most unconventional techniques for teaching an old dog new tricks?
You do not need to teach old dogs new tricks, you can just drop them off at the rehoming centre and get yourself a brand-new dog from a reputable puppy farm. By the time they are 10 or 12, they’re probably bored of you anyway, so really, you’re doing them a favour.
Every cowboy has their trusty steed. Who are your canine sidekicks on this wild ride, and what’s their role in your escapades?
Friends are a clear sign of weakness. If your dog discovers you have friends they will assume you cannot manage alone, and if you can’t manage alone you cannot lead the pack.
From this day forth your dog will disrobe their thousands of years of domestication and total reliance on mankind, to become Alpha Dog, and rule your suburban semi-detached house with an iron paw. So, this is the reason I don’t have friends, it has nothing to do with body odour or a flawed personality.
The dog training world can be as divided as cattle ranchers and sheep herders. How do you navigate the ruckus, and what’s your message to those on either side of the fence?
It doesn’t matter which side of the electric fence you are on, it still hurts if you cross the line. Sometimes it’s an invisible fence so you don’t know where the feck the line is.
Other times people move the line to suit their own agenda, or they have different lines for different people. It’s an invisible, constantly moving, line that will bite you on the ass. Sometimes, people think you are hilarious and just what the industry needs. They will applaud you and encourage you.
Right up to the moment you poke fun at something they like – then they turn into sanctimonious hypocrites.
They’ll out you, slander you, hate you, and try to publicly humiliate you – but they are not all so nice.
If you were to write the Ten Commandments of Dog Training according to TDGDT, what would the first commandment be?
Thou shalt not use science to undermine stupidity.
We’ve heard through the grapevine that you’ve had a particular jest or two at the expense of folks who favour shock collars over sweet talk. Could you share your thoughts on this subject and perhaps offer an alternative that’s more your style?
Not at all, shock collars are a wonderful invention, how else would we protect sheep so we can kill them and eat them?
Finally, any parting words of wisdom for our readers that you may have offended?
I would not want to move forward with any animosity, so if I’ve truly offended anybody, I want you to know that I’m willing to hear your apology.
Yappily would like to extend a heartfelt and huge thanks to TDGDT for once again gracing us with his unforgettable take on dog training.
As he rides off into the sunset, we can’t help but reflect on the joy he’s brought into the world of dogs.
May his next adventure be as wild and wonderful as the tales he leaves behind!
Add a comment